Earlier this week I went to Gap and bought a coat (for me to wear) and a pair of tiny fleecy mittens (not for me to wear). I took the mittens to their wearer and wore the coat. This morning, as I was waiting for a bus, a bus I was not waiting for pulled up and a woman in it began making faces at me through the window. She was pointing to my left hand side.

I looked down at my left foot. There was nothing there - other than my shoe, foot inside. Nothing on the leg either, other than its jean. She waved her arms about - the bus was edging away. Something on my coat? Yes, yes! she mouthed. The shop!

On my coat? What? I looked, and saw. The plastic security tag hadn't been taken off and, lumpen and knobbly and bright white as it was, I had not noticed it. Nor, until the woman on the bus began gesticulating, had anyone else.

Now I would have to go back to Gap and ask them to remove it. The security tag had surely become evident to everyone (I thought), so I  must conceal it under my hand, or hang a bag over it lest passers-by accuse me, or at least suspect me of walking about in a purloined Gap garment.

I went back to Gap, and said to the very young south Asian lad behind the till, 'I have a problem. I bought this coat yesterday but you, or someone, forgot to remove the tag,' handing him the coat as I spoke. He very reasonably asked if I had the receipt. I said I didn't because the tag had only just been pointed out to me; the receipt was at home (lies, lies. I had binned it). But I could show him my bank statement on my smart phone. He removed the tag with a wonderful series of expressions passing over his face.

1. This woman with her coat/no receipt/tag story is not, erm, very young. She has a posh voice. She is trustworthy.

2. This woman with the posh voice who ought to be trustworthy is in fact an accomplished shop-lifter who relies (look how successfully!) on her age/voice/appearance to fool young salesmen like me. 

3. If I question her trustworthiness and she is kosher, I am for it.

4. If I don't question her untrustworthiness and she isn't kosher, I am for it.

I left the shop. Hope he's okay.